“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
How does the statement above land with you?
Does it make you smile?
Does it make you cringe?
Does it bring a chuckle or a smirk?
Or does it sink into your belly like a lead weight?
Are you spending most of your time with people who drain your energy and bring you down, or do you surround yourself with people who support your beliefs and deepest desires?
You may have found yourself in friendships that looked great “on paper” but left you feeling depleted. You stayed in them for various reasons–they kept you from feeling lonely on weekends, you didn't have better friendship options, they were part of your larger social circle, so it was easier to stay in them than to break away, etc.
You may have even been in an on-again, off-again romantic relationship and were left bewildered as to how you could not just let it go. Maybe the relationship lasted far longer than it should have and the comfort of a dysfunctional routine was much easier than striking out on your own.
For some reason, most of us easily form attachments to others, yet have great resistance to releasing those attachments when it is time to move on.
Is it from fear?
Is it from a lack of faith in one’s future happiness?
Is it because we simply can’t envision what life would be like without this person?
Human beings are tribal creatures. We have a need to belong. Even when we belong to groups that are not supportive, we are uncomfortable about breaking the bonds.
There is an innate fear associated with leaving the tribe, terrified about how the people we love the most will respond to us. Will they still love us or will they reject and abandon us?
Like trees that shed their leaves and flowers that 'die' and come back bigger, bolder and more beautiful, letting go is a natural process of your Spiritual growth. It's no one’s fault–some relationships last for a reason, a season and others a lifetime.
When you and another person are no longer a vibrational match, the decision to leave is a decision based on what is ultimately best for the both of you. It's an exercise of love, not lack. Need, not neediness. When we choose to stay attached to relationships that are no longer working for us, we inhibit our growth (and theirs).
If you know that you need to move on from a friendship or relationship, but have anxiety about communicating this to the other person, try this:
Write an unsent letter to this person. In this letter, express everything you are feeling about your relationship and tell them–with love–that you wish to move on, whatever that means for both of you. Once you have communicated everything you need to in this letter, even if there is grief or trepidation you may feel a sense of peace as well. Something lifts when you make the decision to let go and you typically feel lighter. You may want to ceremonially burn this letter to release the energy and allow for each of your higher selves to guide the rest of the process of what's next.
Set yourself free and give yourself the space for new beginnings. Down the road, you just may cross paths again–bigger, bolder and even more beautiful not in spite of your old relationships but because of them.
Hi Mindy,
This piece summed up all the work we have been doing. Thankfully, I understand it all now and can see clearly, not only what my relationship with my husband did to me, but also what it did for me. I can actually feel gratitude for all the experiences I had.
Also, I know we have to set another appointment and I will contact you soon.
Ronnie, love love love to hear you say ‘what it did for you’ ❤️
I, too, recently let go of a relationship that I treasured. I didn’t want to let it go but, it was time. It was a friendship that I thought would last into forever until death because we made a pact in the beginning of it that it would last that long. Somehow, it got derailed and became useless to my friend and the friend left it. I was devastated. I am still devastated by the loss of that friend. I wrote many, many letters, with heartfelt words, expounding on the nature of our friendship and what it means to m, hoping to lure my friend back. I never sent the letters, the right words weren’t there. Then one day recently, I heard a whisper which I was sure was the Holy Spirit, telling me that the only words I had to say to my friend were, “I forgive you”. That made the next stab at the letter much easier, because I finally had the right words and the right and true feelings. When I typed “I forgive you”, my heart was instantly lighter and freer. I sent it. I felt a calm and a peace. I still miss the friendship very much and will celebrate the day if my friend ever comes back to me. But, that is not expected nor even hoped for. If God wills it, it will happen. I kind of left it up to Him. He will know if that relationship should be a part of this last chapter of my journey home. Whether it will be or not, I learned the power of true forgiveness so in that respect, the friendship was not for nothing.
Susan, thank you so much for your comment. I too have recently let go of a friendship that I thought would last a life time and I say for now because in the mystery of life the truth is we don’t know what will happen in the next moment. I have come to a place is allowing me Trust in the unfolding like you without expectations. There is grace in the space time is giving us both to do our own work and healing. How beautiful that you were able to find forgiveness love can work magic in that energy.
Mindy,
This came with such great timing as we are only able to hear what we need to hear when it is time to hear it. I let go of a few relationships this weekend that did not serve me and feel better for it but also sad that I had to let them go. Thanks for posting this to reinforce the fact that I made the right decisions. Thanks for being so in touch with all things that feed the soul and sharing them. Love you and your input to the moon and back 🙂
Letting go is sad Mickey. I agree. Bavo for you for acknowledging you grief and allowing yourself to know you made the best decision for yourself. I believe that to grieve is to love. Keep feeding yourself and your soul.