I grew up in a family where the glass was neither half-full nor half-empty. In the minds of my tribe, the glass was always empty.
Negativity was the norm. Life was hard, and life was unfair. Good things happened to other people. It wasn’t wise to expect too much because doing so would only lead to disappointment. The only way up was to either hit the lottery or marry someone rich. I wasn’t placing my bets on either one.
When I was in fourth grade, I auditioned for a lead role in my school play, and when I got the part, I was over-the-moon excited. I decided right then that I was going to be a famous actress one day. My mother was happy for me and proud of my accomplishment, but when I told her what I wanted to be when I grew up, she sarcastically commented: “Keep dreaming.”
When I look back on it now, my heart hurts. I realize how discouraged that little girl felt and what a burden my parents and the past generations of my Jewish relatives endured. I have nothing but empathy for all of them and a deep respect for the feelings of victimization that cut deep into the veins of my personal history and heritage.
For most of my life, it was easier to see the dark before the light, the broken before the whole, the bad before the good. I could imagine the worst things happening—the difficulties, the rejections—but it was almost impossible for me to visualize my wildest dreams coming true.
In Japan, there is a custom for repairing broken pottery. It’s called kintsugi. Instead of hiding the breaks, kintsugi emphasizes them.
The pieces are put back together with gold! The “scars” become part of the design. How healing is that? To believe that when we repair the things that have broken we actually create something more unique, more beautiful and more resilient.
I had to decide where I was going to put my trust. What if I could see the beauty in the broken pieces? What if I could believe in the miracles that life had to offer instead of the misery? If I could put my faith in that, it could change the trajectory of my life. I was determined to let go of the part of me that held on to those ancient beliefs of lack and limitation. I was committed to rising above the generations of sorrow and despair. I was going to create a new vison for myself and for my family. In other words I was going to keep dreaming.
Sometimes, like the ache of old scars during a rainstorm, those negative voices come back to visit. And when they do, they serve as reminders of the ancestral patterns I inherited. I know they are part of me. But I also know something my ancestors didn’t. I know that I have a choice. I am aware that I can choose a different thought and create a more empowering belief.
Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve a problem from the same level of consciousness in which it was created.” In 2021, I have the privilege of information and education that allows me to live my life from a higher state of consciousness than my mother, my grandmother and my great-grandmother. I have the opportunity to “re-right” my history and break the chain of negative thinking. By setting these wheels in motion, my choices become a catalyst for change, not only for my life, but for the lives of generations to come.
And to them, I say, “Keep dreaming.” ❧